Sunday Mornings

12/30/2012

Mornings are hard at our house.  It’s Sunday morning and I just want a minute to myself.  I want to drink in the Lord’s presence, I want to organize the baking supplies and mail pile and put away the last few piles of laundry.  Everywhere I look there is something I could do.  It pulls on my flesh that constantly says “perform!” And I woke up with a mild headache.  It threatens to sap my energy and keep me down for the day.  And I stepped on the scale.  Must up my resolve to lose some weight.  And I can’t see well out of my left eye.  Contact issue or something.  And the kids are insane.  And I just called Jeff out for staring at his phone… meaning to give him a gentle nudge so that we both are more mindful of how much we are on our phones… but it came off sharp.  I apologized…he forgave.  But I still feel ick about it.  Mornings are just plain hard.

Especially Sunday mornings.  Hello!?!?!  The enemy loves to make this day an especially brutal one.  He attacks us from many fronts on Sundays.  It’s the Lord’s day!!!  My husband will be bringing the word to our congregation, and we will be in worship of our King.  Oh, the enemy doesn’t like this at all.  

I’m thankful to recognize this battle.  Sometimes I catch it, sometimes I don’t.  It’s grace to be able to see this.   I need His help to have insight into the invisible world.   “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood.  It’s against the … powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

So what now?  What do I do in the midst of this attack?  I run to my refuge and my strength.  I put on the spiritual armor of God.  I take every thought captive.  I keep running the race with endurance. 

And I know that fighting is right.  Recognizing is right.  Letting God fight my struggle for me is right.  More dependence on Him is right.  And this is how He trains us…. Disciplines us….. disciples us.  Through trial. 

I love you Lord…  keep showing me things that are invisible.  You are all that matters.  

Happy Birthday Caroline!

I wrote this story for Caroline on her 6th birthday-- enjoy this story of how God used infertility (and miscarriage, but I left that part out of this version) to grow our faith and give us a greater trust in Him.  

    There once was a boy and a girl.  They were married and had a yellow dog.  But they really, really wanted to have children.  They prayed and prayed for God to give them a baby, but had to wait a long time.  The girl’s sister had two babies while she had to wait.  It was hard to wait so long.  She wanted to be happy for her sister and other friends who had babies, but it just made her pain in waiting so much harder to see babies come into the world while she didn’t have one.  She started thinking “Maybe God doesn’t want to give me a baby, maybe I won’t ever be a Mom with children.”  She couldn’t bear the thought.  All her life she had dreamed of one day being a Mommy, and it made her sick with sadness to think that her dream wouldn’t come true.

     The couple went to see several doctors who tried to help them.  The girl had a surgery that was very painful.  She went to see a doctor who had her drink yucky tea and medicine every single day.  She had needles places into her body every week for hours at a time.  She felt like a pincushion with all of the needles and blood tests.  It only made her sadder and more hopeless.

     Then after several years, the girl’s good friend came to her with some news.  She said “I came to tell you what God has said—He says to stop.  Stop trying to do this on your own.  Just rest in Him and let Him have control.  Stop trying to do something only God can do.   Wait for Him.”

     So the couple waited.  They started learning to trust God and wait for Him to do what only He can do.   They stopped seeing the doctors and taking the medicine and learning everything they could about how to have a baby.  And they found out some wonderful news soon after this—they were expecting a baby!!!!!

     In December, a little baby girl would be born!  Oh, the joy!!!!  They painted a room pink, they bought pink baby clothes and blankets, they bought a crib and a rocking chair.  Their friends threw parties for them and gave them gifts for the new baby and wrote the baby little notes.  Everyone was so excited for this baby girl to come!!!!

     The girl grew bigger and bigger and the months passed by.  After nine months of pregnancy (and over three years of waiting for a child), Caroline Violet was born!!!  She was beautiful!!  Her parents cried huge tears of joy when she was born.  The new mommy and daddy thanked God over and over for the beautiful gift He had given them.   There had never been a more special, beautiful, and loved baby in the whole world. 

     Caroline was welcomed by lots of friends—when she and her mommy were still in the hospital, many people came to see her and bring gifts for the new family.  And after they got home, people brought food and more gifts.  She was a very blessed baby girl.

     Caroline is not a baby anymore.  She is growing up every single day and is still the most special, beautiful and loved little girl in the whole world.  She smiles and loves and is a wonderful daughter, sister and friend.  She loves to color and draw pictures for people.  She is a wonderful reader and loves to learn in school and at home.  She loves Jesus and accepted Him into her heart this past year.  She is kind and loving.  She is a blessing from God who was so worth waiting for. 

Happy 6^th Birthday Caroline!!!

The gift

I have been given a gift. It has the power to transform every single moment of my life for the better. This gift holds all the answers to every problem I'll ever have, and I have direct access to it  24/7. Even more, because of this gift I have assurance of a perfect eternity.  My gift is Jesus.  I have received Him and chosen to follow Him, trust Him, and let Him lead me.  I have chosen to live in reality... the reality that God the Father, creator of all things, is Holy and I am fallen, and Christ's death on the cross is the Way the loving Father provided for me to be made righteous.  I can't come to the Father on my own, I can only come through the righteousness that was bought for me on the cross of Christ.  

The reason I'm writing this is that this gift isn't just for me.  I want to share this gift with anyone I encounter, and especially those who I love. My great big loving God is so real, so present, so active in my life and He has changed everything for me.  The god of our culture is small, judgemental, and has been treated like a sad Sunday hobby.  That's not my God. 

If you want to know more, I would love to grab coffee or a phone conversation.  This is what I'm passionate about.  I'd be so privileged to introduce my God to you.  

Rest. Breathe. Abundant life.

Matthew 11:28-30 says
   28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”


I love that He says "learn from Me". He is our teacher in this life....He shows us how to rest and how to lighten our load. He has gone before us and prepared in advance good works for us to do. (ephesians 2:10) Thank you Lord for teaching me, I definitely haven't been able to teach myself! Thank you for the freedom that comes from saying Yes to the things You have for us, to say No to the other things, and for our counselor, the Holy Spirit that works within us to show us the way.

Acceptance

Acceptance... acceptance... I'm not good at it, it's not natural for me. I assume there's better, there's more I could be doing, there's something I'm missing. But my Father says "Be still and know that I am God"(Ps 46:10) and "if you ask for bread, would I give you a stone?" (Matt 7:9) He is good, He is aware of my circumstances, and when I'm seeking Him, He will lead me. I strive, I scurry, I google, I try try try to change where I am, but He has me here. The truth is He could miraculously heal me.... zap me with change.... but that's not usually His way....He calls me to a process of struggle, a walk of obedience, a deeper trust in Him. Zapping, snatching, quick fixes.... they are too easy, they don't produce the perseverence, character and hope that He wants for me. (Romans 5:3-4)
Where am I today? I am lots of places that aren't necessarily pleasant.... most easy to share is my struggle with chronic headaches. I've asked Him for healing, I've pursued many forms of treatment...all of them costly in both monetarily and emotionally. But I still have them. He is permitting them. If He wanted to heal me now, He would provide the way. I hope for a treatment or method to provide relief one day very soon... but I am accepting that His good for me right now is even better... instead of healing my pain today, He has it FOR me-- to learn from, to accept, to grow deeper in trust and knowledge of Him... to learn to let Him be my shepherd. I shall not want. I will accept this from His kind and good hand. For He is good in all things.

Luke getting seconds

Tonight at the dinner table, Caroline briefly abandoned her plate.... Luke calmly climbed down from his chair, grabbed HIS plate, climbed into Caroline's chair and dumped her macaroni and cheese onto his plate. He caught us looking and laughing at him, and gave us a knowing look of mischief. He returned to his chair and casually finished off sissy's plate. Nicely done Luke, way to survive in this crazy family!

Potty Training and Roly Poly

There seems to be no time for comprehensive blog posts these days, so I'll just take a moment to post a quick update.
Caroline: Potty Trained!!! Hurray!!!! Now that she's trained, she will only wear dresses-- I think she wants quick access to show off her big girl panties to anyone and everyone. They told me that she took off her dress at school last week and they let her walk around in just her underwear for a lot of the day. Caroline also just figured out how to turn on the water in our bathroom downstairs, and now proceeds to "wash her hands" practically all day.
Luke: Rolling over!!! He flips over on his tummy the second we lay him down now. It has been a little bit of a problem in his crib, he'll flip over and get stuck like that and just do a little fret cry until we go in there and get him sorted out. He is precious-- his personality so far is so laid back and sweet. He smiles all the time and loves to "talk."